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成长教育 从恋爱开始
Zhou Qifei, 19, a freshman English major at Beijing Technology and Business University, is struggling with more than just fitting into her new environment on campus.
19岁周琪菲（音译）是就读于北京工商大学(招生办)英语专业的大一新生，除了努力适应校园新环境外，她似乎有更多的烦心事要解决。
On Valentine’s Day an upperclassman she had only recently met unexpectedly gave her a rose and hinted that he would like her to be his girlfriend. The romantic move confused Zhou.
情人节那天，她意外地收到了刚认识不久的学长送来的玫瑰，这是个求爱信号。这样浪漫的举动却令周琪菲感到困惑。
“It’s really agitating me. I’m not ready to say yes now, but I also don’t want to lose his friendship,” she said. “I don’t know how to deal with this.”
“这让我很纠结。我没准备好接受他的追求，但我又不想失去这个朋友，”她说，“我真不知该怎么办。”
But Zhou isn’t alone with her worries. A recent survey released by Mycos Group, a consultancy, reveals that nearly 30 percent of first-year students at Chinese universities are perplexed when it comes to romantic relationships. About half of the respondents stated a “lacking ability to communicate” as a major obstacle to romantic relationships.
为情感而焦虑的不止周琪菲一人。根据麦可思咨询公司最近的一项调查显示，中国30%的大学新生遭遇恋爱难题。近一半的受访者表示在恋情中的主要绊脚石是“不善沟通”。
Lei Wuming, a professor in psychology at Wuhan University of Technology, explained that students are overwhelmed by their studies in high school.
武汉理工大学(微博 招生办)心理学教授雷五明解释说，这是因为学生们的高中生活完全被学业主导。
“So when they arrive on campus, they find themselves at a loss about how to deal with relationships,” he told Wuhan Metro.
他在接受《武汉晨报》采访时说：“因此当他们步入大学，处理情感问题时，便不知所措。”
Some are inarticulate when they develop a love interest toward the opposite sex, and many male students are bashful about confessing their feelings for a girl.
有些学生在面对爱慕对象时不善言辞，很多男生羞于承认自己对某位女生的好感。
“Seize the chance when there are sparks of love. The trick is to use more subtle ways of communication, such as chatting on QQ or sending gifts to show your interest,” Lei said. “Timing is also important.”
“一旦擦出爱的火花，就要把握时机。诀窍就在于利用更巧妙的办法来沟通感情，比如聊QQ或者送个小礼物表露心迹，”雷教授说，“时机也很关键。”
But those who have already found love often have even worse communication problems, especially for those in a long-distance relationship.
但那些已心有所属的人却常常面临着更加严重的沟通问题，尤其是对那些异地恋人来说。
Sun Xiaolin, a freshman majoring in English at Nanjing University, has been in a relationship since high school. But on graduating, his girlfriend enrolled at Peking University. “Since each of us is occupied with different things in a new environment, we’re not always on the same wavelength,” he said.
南京大学(招生办)英语专业大一学生孙笑临（音译）和女友自高中便在一起了。但高中毕业后，他女朋友考上了北大。他说：“因为我们到了新环境后，都忙着各自的事情，就少了许多共同语言。”
Many are cautious about starting a relationship. Xu Tianyi, 19, a finance management freshman at Hubei University of Technology said she’s witnessed many arguments between couples on campus. “It could make me unhappy and stop me from enjoying life on campus,” she said.
很多人对谈恋爱都持谨慎态度。就读于湖北工业大学财务管理专业大一年级、19岁的徐天逸（音译）表示在校园里目睹了太多情侣间的争吵。“这会令我感到不开心，也会妨碍我尽情享受校园生活，”她说。
The report also suggests that freshmen are reluctant to talk about their relationship problems, because they consider it a private issue. “Universities are providing more guidance to students such as offering courses on relationship management,” said Gong Linyan, a student advisor at Nanjing University’s Law School. “Romantic relationships can have a big impact on student’s lives.”
调查报告还显示，大一新生们不愿谈论感情问题，因为他们认为这是私事。“现在各大高校都在为学生提供更多的指导，比如开设情感管理课程，”南京大学法学院的学生辅导员龚林燕（音译）说，“恋爱会对学生的生活产生巨大的影响。”
Ye Chao, a student administrator at Wenzhou University’s City College, said that love can teach students an important lesson about interpersonal relationships. “Many students lack tolerance toward others as they’re used to putting themselves first,” he said. “Love can teach them to put themselves in others’ shoes and treat them with respect.”
温州大学城市学院负责学生管理的老师叶超（音译）表示，恋爱可以教会学生如何去经营人际关系。“因为习惯于把自己放在首位，很多学生缺乏对他人的包容，”他说，“恋爱可以教会他们如何替别人着想并尊重他人。”
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